September 25, 2009
driven crazy
It has happened before and it is happening now and it will always happen this way, under the same circumstances. He likes having his own routine to do what he likes. It's his sense of freedom. Sometimes, there's no seeming logic or sound reason to what he does and why he does certain things. It's just the way he is.She gets bored, she starts bossing people around. She gets lazy and lethargic physically but restless mentally. So, her outlet is to boss people around while she's very obviously the one who should be getting up on her feet to do some work around in the house. At least, take care of her own needs, like getting lunch. I go crazy whenever the two of them co-exist in the same living sphere for more than a couple hours a day. The same living sphere I'm trying to continue my quiet existence in, just a bedroom door away.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:52
September 24, 2009
random
Been dreaming short, indecipherable dreams the past few nights. A few, unconnected ones every night. Of very unexpected people (like my aunties, whom I only meet once a year over CNY). With no sensible agenda, at least not that I can try to understand. Job-hunting is still on. And on and on and on... I'm hoping to get a call from the NLB. My first preference. I can't do all the things that you all want for me to, neither be all that you hope for me to. I try my best and I hope, too, that certain things are on my terms, not just yours. And so on, and on and on.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:39
September 22, 2009
one of those conversations
bkgrd: At tuition, pointing to Baby Isaac in 'Bible Storybook for Children', trying to use it as material to tempt a sentence construction out of my pupil... Isaac was the only son (God's reward) of Abram. God wanted to test Abram's love for Him by asking him to sacrifice Isaac when he was a boy.
me: You see. Who is this? (Baby Isaac)pupil: Baby. me: What's his name? pupil: Isaac. me: Good! Now, see this. (pointing to a little boy on the opposite page) This is Isaac. So, you see... Baby Isaac grew up... to become... ('a boy' would be the right answer)pupil: A sacrifice. me: ... hahaha... Ya, he did, didn't he? Poor Isaac!God has insecurity issues and poor Isaac... I suppose he would grow up to have plenty of issues, knowing his Dad was ready to burn him on the altar, just to allay God's insecurities. I'm reading bible stories with my pupil! But I still can't attend church with my boyfriend.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 21:22
September 18, 2009
Walk on.
It's just too difficult when the two persons in a relationship have different priorities and are pursuing different things in life. At different stages in life. It's just too damn tiring. Too exhausting. To match, to keep up, to compromise. There is no perfect relationship. Not one that's not tiring from time to time. But to keep chasing after each other in a relay, keep trying to keep pace yet always falling short, is probably what will break the connection in the end. We have all been in this relay before. We take a break, enjoy the scenery for awhile... then, we find someone to walk with instead. 'Keep walking.' Not keep running.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:21
Relax, lah~
I've read, rolled my eyes, cringed at those bookmarks or magnets that qoute bible verses. Most of them are like, "oh, puhlease...".But one got stuck to my mind and occasionally, when life seems to spiral out of control, I will think of it. I don't know if it came straight from the holy book or what... but it's one of the few I read that is actually agreeable. It's called the Serenity Prayer.God grant me courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and wisdom to know the difference. Most of the time, when I can remember to be guided by this prayer, I think it's probably God's way to grant me the wisdom to know the things I cannot change. I think, we all have that wisdom in us. We all have some kind of God within us. We are just too preoccupied with praying to another God outside to hear the voice inside. Or I'm just too resigned to the many, many things I believe I can't change. haha... Whatever it is, this is how I keep stress at a manageable level. Works for me. So, I won't analyse it.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:06
September 17, 2009
Me love me
I would never deny being self-centred and possibly, to the point of being selfish. Because I believe I am and more importantly, I believe everyone is, to differing degree. I absolutely believe selfishness is one of the traits that brought about evolution. It's about being realistic, it's about self-advancement, it's about survival. Sometimes, I try to do things that seem immensely kind and selfless. But, there is, always, always an element of self-gratification or pleasure derived within.It's the truth. Nothing wrong with it. Very aware, very upfront about it. I won't disguise it under some seemingly more positive personality traits. I don't need any one religion to glorify my occasional selfless or kind deeds. I still, find within me, the ability to look anyone in the face and say, "Ya. I am very self-centred." And, so what? Aren't you, too?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:53
the update kind
Somehow, this week seems to be zooming past and it feels like Emman and I just got back from Genting. Hadn't we?xxxHoliday trips must really take a backseat now. There is no office cubicle within sight yet. There isn't even any lame interviews to attend. I screened out job agencies and job openings advertised by job agencies. I left a DISC profile analysis, together with my resume, at one pretty unknown job agency for job match. I don't know why it has to take so long for public sector to sift through resumes and give shortlisted candidates a hopeful ring. We are obviously paying taxes for inefficiency. I'm gonna stay rooted, right here, right where I hold residency, and outlast the job search.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:46
September 13, 2009
A birthday made special
So, this year, I spent my 29th birthday weaving in and out shoes shops in Sungei Wang, K.L. Still received a lot of good wishes from friends, but didn't reply cos I was engaged in finding a size 6 for my feet. Genting was very much as expected. Nothing to not like, esp since we went on a weekday. The kids n the doting parents were lesser in number. I only got to the top of that damned rock wall on the 3rd try. I believe, whole-heartedly that there should be another boulder on that damned hump. I still scaled the height, with help from Emman's belaying. But, I crippled my right forearm a little and after that, I couldn't exert much strength in my fingers. Crap. I'm too light to belay Emman. He has issues in falling, or maybe he was very afraid I would 'fly'. Still, we were fine. It was a good experience. K.L. Shoes. And a few pieces of clothings. Cheap. Cheap. Thank you. Thank you, so much. For the trip. And for the wonderful, wonderful birthday prezzie.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:12
September 09, 2009
one of those conversations
me: There's no such thing as 'pack light' in your dictionary, right? em: No, 'low-fat' can, already.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:37
September 03, 2009
one of those conversations
the following took place after we watched the US reality show, 'Moment of Truth' on #5... me: Ok, what will be a difficult question to ask you?em: (after some serious thinking) "Do you prefer KFC to Popeye Chicken?"me: *eyes rolling*xxxme: Ok, how about you ask me some difficult questions... If you manage to ask me one good question, then we will stop playing and sleep. If not, I will keep playing and you can't sleep. em: Ok. (after some serious thinking again) Have you ever wished that Wendy can become your girlfriend? me: ?!?!?! em: (second, rather bad, attempt) Do you still hope to get back together with Kay? me: !?!?!?p.s. If you are still waiting for the answers to these 2 questions, you have a bad sense of 'good' questions. Kindly befriend Emmanuel.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:16